Fellas - Episode 2

Fellas
[Episode Two]
[Scene One]
[Establishing shot of our setting, Louisville, Kentucky. We see a few shots of the city, and then the outside of the apartment complex in which the cast lives. We then cut to the inside, where Sheamus sits on the couch reading a magazine when the front door opens and Rosa Mendez walks in with Carlito.]

Rosa: Hola!

Sheamus: What's this fella's name?

Rosa: Oh, this is Carlito. He's--

Carlito: I'm cool.

Sheamus: Oh, cool. Of course y'are.

Carlito: Hey, I am the son of the legendary Carlos Colon - Carlito deserves respect.

Sheamus: Listen, fella, I come from Ireland - I ain't ever heard of your damn pa.

[Ted DiBiase enters from the hall then, scowling while holding up a piece of paper.]

Ted: Can you believe this?

Sheamus: Rosa's still with that fella she mentioned last week? Sure can't.

Ted: What? No, this!

Rosa: Ya know, you've gotta say what 'this' is - no one can read a piece of paper with tiny writing on it halfway across the room.

Ted: Remember when I got that DUI? I got a letter today saying I've gotta attend some Phil guy's anti-alcohol seminar or they'll take away my license - and Daddy said he can't make any more tickets disappear this month, too!

Carlito: Carlito is bored. Let's go, Rosa.

Rosa: Adios!

[Carlito and Rosa leave, leaving Ted and Sheamus alone. The latter has set aside his magazine now, in order to look at Ted directly.]

Sheamus: Whaddya expect? Ya drank, ya drived, ya got caught.

Ted: And I'd be okay with that! It's this seminar thing that's stupid - what kind of guy doesn't have better things to do on a Friday night than to hang out in a community center telling strangers why drugs are bad?

[Right on cue, CM Punk enters holding a clipboard and grinning.]

Punk: Well, well. Anyone care to venture a guess what I'll be doing next Friday night?

Sheamus: My guess, hangin' out in a community center an' tellin' strangers why drugs are bad.

Punk: You know me too well. However, this will be a great opportunity to reach out to--

Ted: Wait. . . Phil?

Punk: My stage name. Apparently people do not take drug advice from someone who calls himself by a random pair of letters, for some reason. What, have you been told about it?

Ted: I'm in the damn class!

Punk: For driving under the influence? Tsk, tsk, the things that alcohol dependence can do to a fine young man. However, we'll have the perfect opportunity to show you the evils of your ways--

Ted: What? Hell no, if you're in charge of the thing just write down that I showed up and spare me the trouble. I have better things to do on a Friday night than listen to someone tell me why not to drink.

Punk: But do any of things benefit you in the future? No, but there are no worries - I can walk you through that - your life will be better after that night.

Ted: Oh, you're going to drop this. Or--

[Suddenly the front door opens once more, and neighbor Drew McIntyre pops in.]

Drew: The party's over!

Punk: Yes, Drew, it is over. For Ted - as he will soon discover the joys of a life lived outside the strangle hold of drugs and alcohol.

Drew: What's going on?

Ted: He's--

Sheamus: Oh, shutcher traps! Ted got drunk, drove, has ta listen to Punk bitch. There, quick, easy, and told entirely by the most pleasant voice in the room!

Drew: Cool, cool. Where's Yoshi?

Ted: I'll tell him to come out here. I'm heading to my room.

Punk: And meanwhile, I have others to speak to - apparently a company known as TNA has had a problem with most of those running it doing copious amounts of drugs, and they could use my help.

[Ted and Punk both go their separate ways, Yoshi Tatsu entering a moment later.]

Drew: Hey, Yoshi, got something I need to throw at you.

Yoshi: Thank you.

Sheamus: Why does everyone insist on havin' all'a their meaningless conversations around me?

Drew: Hey, this could benefit all of us if it goes as planned. There's this thing going on downtown, the Brawl for All, and I heard how you beat up Sheamus - if you entered, the odds would be in your foe's favor and we could win huge by betting on you.

Yoshi: Hm. . . Thank you.

Drew: Is. . . Is that a yes?

[Scene Two]

[We see the inside of the restaurant across the street, Vremya Restorany - Rosa and Carlito sit, eating, when the door to the establishment opens and Punk enters, looking pissed.]

Rosa: Oh, great - Carlito, if you have any of those caffein pills expect to hear a lecture about why you need to get rid of them.

Carlito: Why?

Punk: Hm, Rosa. . . That's the man I saw you in the hallway with, isn't it? That is surprising.

Rosa: Just what are you trying to say?

Punk: I had disastrous results with the TNA executives - threw me out back with some guy who kept calling himself Raven - so let me be blunt: you're a whore!

Carlito: Hey!

[Carlito stands up then, mood having taken a turn for the worse now himself.]

Carlito: That's not cool.

Punk: Hmph. . . You know what cool is? Abstaining from rampant, meaningless sex with whatever strangers you happen to bump into at the bus station.

Rosa: Seriously? Who in Louisville haven't you screwed?

Punk: Well, my desire to keep from killing myself has kept me from sleeping with you, making me the only man in this state who hasn't. Hell, have of the women have done it too.

Carlito: That's it!

[Carlito stomps forward and swings at Punk, who dodges. He picks up a bowl off a random customer's table, cracking Carlito over the head with it and sending him dropping to the ground.]

Rosa: Carlito!

[Rosa rushes to Carlito's side, while Punk looks happy with himself. His attention soon turns, though, as chef Vladimir Kozlov stomps into view.]

Kozlov: Derzhite yego!

Punk: What? Are you mad?

Kozlov: Ja! Pay or be broken.

Punk: Err. . . Forget your stupid bowl!

[Punk punches Kozlov in the face then, leading to a wild brawl between the two of them.]

[Scene Three]

[We see Yoshi throwing punches in the air in the middle of a hallway at the civic center, as Drew jogs into view.]

Drew: Alright, I got your opponent. Just like we planned, the odds are against ya -- you're fighting some Ham Adda guy, or some other Asiany name. I don't know, I'm from Scotland. Anyway, you've just gotta beat him and we're made.

Yoshi: Thank you.

Drew: Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, since it's my idea and all, I should get about 60%. I mean, you're just beating a guy up, I had to go through waiting in line and all - that's where the pain is. Plus, the slip they gave me for some reason lists my name as Hamlet MacBeth.

[Drew stops to eye an Asian woman who walks by, heading into a nearby door. After that, he turns back to Yoshi.]

Drew: Anyway, you two are up first. Go get 'em!

Yoshi: Thank you!

[Yoshi heads into a nearby door then, punching as he walks.]

Drew: Heh, wonder how long it'll take Yoshi ta--

[Suddenly the door flies open once again, Yoshi landing in a heap on the floor. The Asian woman from earlier walks out then, raising her arms in the air triumphantly.]

Announcer: Winner - Hamada!

Drew: Um. . . Okay, I've got somethin'. The party's over - Hamlet MacBeth is comin' for ya!

[Drew dives at Hamada then, as the scene cuts out.]

[Scene Four]

[Punk walks into the apartment then, a black eye and a frown on his face as he waves around a piece of paper, causing Ted DiBiase and Sheamus to look up from the TV.]

Punk: Can you believe this?

Sheamus: That two people have made that same entrance today? Absolutely, fella.

Punk: No, not that. After an. . . incident with a local chef, they're wanting me to come in for anger management courses! Can you believe that?

Ted: Oh, really?

Punk: What? Do you want to hold my passion for doing the right thing over my head, because if so you severely misunderstand my intentions.

Ted: Well, no, not quite.

[Ted smirks, rising from the couch in the process.]

Ted: You know, I'm sure Daddy would have no problem making something like that disappear. . .

Punk: Let me guess. You'll get him to drop that if I let you get out of my class, aren't you?

Ted: Hey, a drug-free mind is pretty sharp. Besides, which is better - letting one person avoid listening to you bitch about drugs and alcohol, or losing hours of time that could be better used converting others?

Punk: Fair enough. . . Though for the record, the next time you slip up, I'll have you anyway.

Ted: Guess I'll just have to avoid being caught, huh?

Sheamus: Oh, shutcher traps! They've got some MacBeth fella on right now and he's kickin' the hell outta some poor fella.